I went to NJ this weekend to attend a memorial for one of my friends from High School, Jon Brzostoski, who passed away last week. About 30 people showed up to remember Jon and share memories. I'm doing better now, though this has stilll hit me quite hard - I've found this more difficult than the death of my great aunt. Though there is a big difference between someone who was 25 passing away and someone who was 88.
One thing I'll always remember about Jon was his sense of humor. I recently discovered I had copies of some of his writings on my computer (which have been copied from at least 3 computers previous). Here is the first of his CB22's Guides (CB22 was Jon's username): CB22's Guide to Using the Number 22
The number 22 can be used in many situations, including life-saving situations. First, we will begin with the more trivial uses of the number, like spicing up words or names. Our first example is my name. CB is a pretty lame full name, and not particularly creative. Throw a 22 on there, and it is changed completely! Kinda like steak sauce, Bacos, salad dressing, and some other stuff. Also, Catch 22. Why isn't it Catch 43? Or Catch 5623587567543765.56473? Why? Because Catch 43 sounds pretty lame, and Catch 5623587567543765.56473 is hard to remember, and takes too long to say. Whereas Catch 22 is not only easy to remember and say, but it also has a nice ring to it. 22 can add a sort of sleek and futuristic feeling to a word. Take my neighbor Bob for instance. Bob is just plain old Bob. Sure, if you wanna spice up the name a bit, you could throw on an "o", and make it "Bobo", but that just doesn't quite do the name justice. Also, it doesn't do poor Bob a whole lot of justice. But, try Bob 22. Now, Bob goes from some drooling vegetable to a futuristic, high-speed kind of guy. Now, the life-saving part. First, I will address the saving of the social life. Ok, let's say you have sarcastic parents who stuck you with a name like Bernard. Sure, you can cut it to Bernie, but when looking for a lasting relationship, and the question "What's Bernie short for?" comes up, don't you feel like a complete nerd saying "Bernard"? Can't you just see yourself in huge glasses, acting like a nerdily drooling vegetable? "Bernard.", you say. With a sneer, "Oh." she says, and leaves you for a guy named Burt. "At least it's better than Bernard!" she says. But, when that question comes up, wouldn't you rather be able to answer, "Bernie 22."? "Wow!", she says, "That's a different name! Sounds neat!" and would never leave you, even if Burt over there had $1,000,000 and was president of 6 different countries, king of 3, and prime minister of 7, all at the same time. Now, I'd say that at this point, you've saved your social life, and all with the number 22. Now, to save someone's physical life. When you see something about to fall on someone, providing they continue walking at their current rate, sure you could yell, "Look out!", and maybe this bonehead would assume that he was immune to disaster, and you were yelling for someone else to "Look out!". But, if you yelled "22!", everybody that heard you would stop and give you a weird look. Now, this bonehead would probably keep on assuming that he's immune to disaster and get hit by a street cleaner within the next few weeks, or doesn't deserve to live, but isn't it a great feeling to know you saved this poor idiot's (whose name is probably Bernard) life? Or, you're in a hospital, and you've been playing in the closet again, and emerge in a doctor's outfit. A dying person comes up to you screaming "HELP!!! HELP!!!". Now, what are you going to do, admit you've been playing dress-up at a time like this? NO! Simply say, in a stern voice, "Nurse! Give this man 22 cc's of novicane!" Well, I hope we've all learned a little from this guide. I enjoyed writing it, so you can expect to see more! But seriously, I hope everybody at least got a little chuckle from all of this. I'm going to look for some more really stupid topics to do another one of these!